Izizathu ezi-6 ezinokubakho zomyeni wakho azifuni isondo ngendlela awayeqhele ngayo

Umyeni akenzi ukubayokuImifanekiso kaGetty

Akukho nto ikhathazayo-kwaye, inyani, ibuhlungu-kunoko xa ubona umyeni wakho ephulukana nomdla kwezesondo. Xa esithi, ndidiniwe kakhulu, okanye uyaqonda ukuba akakhange aqalise isondo kwiinyanga ezininzi, ingqondo yakho iphantse yaya kwangoko kwezona zizathu zisemva kwayo: Ngaba akasandithandi? Ngaba akonwabanga? Ingaba u ukuthandana ?

Umbutho usenza sicinge ukuba ayiqhelekanga into yokuba indoda ingafuni ukwabelana ngesondo ngalo lonke ixesha, itsho njalo i-Therapist yezibini ezisekwe eNew York UCynthia Pizzulli, PhD . Ke ukuba umntu wam akafuni ukwabelana ngesondo ngalo lonke ixesha, kufuneka into engalunganga kum. Akasandinqweneli kwakhona. Owu Nkosi yam, yintlekele, siza kuphelisa umtshato.



Kodwa inyani kukuba, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba isondo sitshintshe ngokuhamba kobuphi na ubudlelwane, ngakumbi obu bude bufana nomtshato. Into ebalulekileyo kukuba xa uqaphela umyeni wakho evala isondo ngokuthe rhoqo kwaye oko kukuchaphazela kakubi ngenxa yoko, kuya kufuneka uyichonge njengomcimbi kunye kwaye usebenzele isisombululo.

Ukunqongophala kwezesondo yimicimbi enxulumene nesibini, hayi umba ngamnye, utshilo uPizzulli. Umfazi kufuneka aphephe ukuba lixhoba. Nazi izizathu ezi-6 eziqhelekileyo zokuba umyeni wakho aphulukane nomdla kwezokwabelana ngesondo- kunye nento onokuyenza ukuze ubuyise iintlantsi.

abayeni abantwana kuqala Umnikeli86Imifanekiso kaGetty

Ubomi bunokuxakeka, kwaye ngenxa yoko, isini sinokubetha umva. Ingakumbi ukuba unabantwana, isenokungabi yeyona nto iphambili kuye ukuba abuye ekhaya evela emsebenzini kwaye aqalise ngesondo kwangoko.



Xa ufika ekhaya ekupheleni kosuku kwaye usebenze imini yonke, uza kuhlala phantsi ubukele iTV okanye ulale, okanye ungalala ngesondo, utshilo uPizzulli. Ngamanye amaxesha, ukulala kukhetha ngakumbi.

Ngaphezu koko, xa utshatile kwaye isondo liba ngaphantsi kwento entsha, kuqhelekile ukuba amadoda atshintshe ukugxila kwawo kunye nokubaluleka kwezinye izinto. Cinga ngabantu basemqolombeni, utshilo uPizzulli. Emva kokuba ufumene umfazi wakho, ngoku kuhla ekukhuliseni iintsana kunye nokuzingela nokuqokelela, kunene? Ke mhlawumbi uya kuba neentlobano zesini, kodwa eyona nto kugxilwe kuyo ngoku kukusebenza. Kwaye kumadoda amaninzi, umsebenzi uba liziko lomjikelo wobomi babo xa bezama ukuxhasa iintsapho zabo.

Isitshixo apha siqhelekisa nenyaniso yokuba izinto eziphambili ngokubaluleka ziya kutshintsha kulo lonke ixesha lokuphila kwakho. Le ayisiyonto iyintlekele kubudlelwane bakho, utshilo uPizzulli. Ukuhamba rhoqo kwesondo kunye nokuphambili kokutshintsha kwesondo kunye nokuhamba kunye nokuhamba kumjikelo wobomi wamadoda nabafazi.



Menze abe kwimeko: Kusabalulekile ukuthatha amanyathelo okuphinda ubenokwabelana ngesondo emtshatweni wakho, ngakumbi ukuba usebenza ngeeshedyuli ezixakekileyo.

Inyathelo lokuqala? Qala ukucwangcisa ngesondo kwiveki yakho. Awunakho ukuba inkanuko ibe yinto ezenzekelayo, utsho uPizzulli. Siceba yonke enye into ebomini bethu, ke kutheni kungenjalo? Kufuneka ubeke ixesha ecaleni. Cwangcisa umhla wangoMgqibelo ebusuku, kwaye unamathele kuwo — ngokukuko ngexesha elingenabantwana endlwini ukunqanda ukuphazamiseka.

2 Unempilo umyeni imeko yezonyango ubomi besondo zintcityImifanekiso kaGetty

Njengabafazi, njengamadoda ubudala, umngcipheko weemeko ezithile zempilo uphakama-kubandakanya ukungasebenzi kakuhle kwe-erectile (ED) kunye umhlaza wedlala lobudoda , zombini ezinokuba nefuthe elibi kubomi bakho bobulili.

I-ED ikhokelela amanye amadoda ukuba aphephe isondo ngokupheleleyo, utsho UAlyssa Dweck, MD , ugqirha wezifo zabasetyhini waseNew York kunye nombhali we Gqibezela u-A ukuya ku-Z kwiV yakho . Kwaye xa kufikwa kumhlaza webele, uqhaqho lunokuba yimfuneko, enokuthi ikhokelele ekutshintsheni inkcazo yakho yesini.

amadlala adumbileyo luphawu lomdumba

Into yokuqala ekufuneka siyiqonde kukuba isini ayisiyonto yokungena nje kuphela, utshilo uPizzulli. Ukwabelana ngesondo asikokwabelana ngesondo kuphela. Ukwabelana ngesondo zizinto ezininzi, kwaye yiyo nantoni na eyenzelwe ukuvusa umntu. Ke ewe, kuya kufuneka ulungelelanise izinto, kodwa ukusondelelana kuza ngeendlela ezininzi.

Ke xa iqabane lakho lifumana ukuxilongwa okunokuchaphazela ubomi bakho ngokwesondo, into yokuqala ekufuneka uyenzile kukunceda uqiniseke ukuba bafumana unyango abaludingayo kwaye banikezela ngenkxaso. Nabani na onokuthi alincede iqabane lakhe ngokubonisa kangangoko kunokwenzeka kwaye athabathe umdla osebenzayo kwingxaki yezonyango yomhlobo wabo, utsho UChristine Milrod, PhD , Ingcali yezesondo kunye nomphandi eLos Angeles.

Menze abe kwimeko: Nje ukuba umba wezonyango uphendulwe, ungaqala ukufumana iindlela ezintsha zokufikelela kwinqanaba lokufezekisa ulwabelana ngesondo ngokuzama ngokwakho okanye ukudibana nonyango lwezibini ukunceda ufumane iindlela ezintsha zokwenza inkanuko.

Kwiimeko ezithile, ukuba abantu bayonzakala ngenxa yoko, unokufuna uncedo lobungcali ukukunceda ufumane ukuba yeyiphi inkanuko kwaye isondelelene kubudlelwane bakho notshintsho ekusebenzeni kwe-erectile, utshilo uPizzulli.

3 Ubudlelwane bakho buye baba yiplatonic isibini esitshatileyo platonic IMascotImifanekiso kaGetty

Ukuba ukhe wanobudlelwane kwi-30, 20, 10, okanye 5 iminyaka, izinto zingaqala ukuqhelana. Ungene kwisiqhelo kweli nqanaba, kwaye loo ntuthuzelo (efanelekileyo kwezinye iindlela) kugqityiwe ukuba ayilunganga kubomi bakho bobulili.

Ukwaziwa kudala i-platonicness kulwalamano, utshilo uPizzulli. Kukho i umtshato ongabelani ngesondo xa uqala ukungena kwimeko apho ungabahlobo abasenyongweni ngokwenene, kwaye inkanuko inehlobo lokulahla kubudlelwane.

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba, ukusonga iimpahla nokuhlamba izitya kunye — nangona oko kusenokulungisa ubuhlobo phakathi kwabantu abatshatileyo — kusenokwenzeka ukuba akubangeli umdla kuye. Ukuba ixesha kunye lichithwa ikakhulu kubukele umabonwakude, kukhathalelwa i-biz yasekhaya, njl., Akukho nto yokumvusa apho, utsho UBrandy Engler, PsyD , Ingcali yezengqondo ese-Los Angeles egxile kubudlelwane kunye nezesondo kunye nombhali we Amadoda akwisofa yam . Amadoda ngokubanzi awahambi ejikeleza evuswa; bafuna ukukhuthazwa.

Menze abe kwimeko: Xa izinto ziziva zimile, kubalulekile ukuba wenze indawo e-erotic kwaye ubuyisele ulwalamano ngokwesondo kubudlelwane. Awunakulindela nje ukuba kubekho i-eroticism kwangoko xa ubunokuhlala neqabane elifanayo kule minyaka ingama-30 idlulileyo, utshilo uPizzulli. I-Eroticism ifana nokuhamba elunxwemeni. Yinto eshushu nenomphunga. Kukudlala, kukuthetha okungcolileyo. Yindlela ozibambe ngayo.

U-Engler ucebisa ukuba wenze ixesha suku ngalunye olungenabuchwephesha ngokupheleleyo (obunokuthi buhlale bunikezela ngesiphazamiso kwisini sobabini kunye neqabane lakho). Bavuma ukusebenzisa eli xesha ukuphuma ezingqondweni zabo nakumizimba yabo- mhlawumbi bathathe uhambo, badanise, bacamngce- emva koko baye kumhla othile, utshilo.

indlela yokubulala iimpukane endlwini
4 Uxinzelelo Uxinzelelo lomntu IWestend61Imifanekiso kaGetty

Ngaphezulu kwalo naluphi na ubudlelwane, kuya kubakho amaxesha oxinzelelo ngakumbi kunabanye. Zimbini izinto ezibangela uxinzelelo? Umsebenzi kunye nemali. Ukugxothwa ngumbulali oqinisekileyo wezothando, utshilo uMilrod. Ixhala liphezulu esibhakabhakeni.

Kuqhelekile ukuba izibini zingene kwiingxabano malunga nemali okanye ukhuseleko lomsebenzi, kodwa ezo ngxabano zincinci zinokongeza ekuhambeni kwexesha ukuya kuthi ekugqibeleni zichaphazele ubudlelwane bezesondo okanye umnqweno ngaphakathi emtshatweni.

Ngokwenyani ungaphikisana nobomi bakho bobulili ukuya ekufeni, utshilo uMilrod. Amadoda, njengabafazi, aya kurhoxa kokubini ngokwasemoyeni nangokwasemzimbeni, kuba yonke jab idala 'inxeba' lengqondo elithatha ixesha elide nangaphezulu ukuphola.

Menze abe kwimeko: Kule meko, ekuphela kwendlela yokoyisa umba kukujongana nayo ngqo. Ukuba kuyakhathaza, jongana nayo kwaye ujongane nayo ngqo, ngakumbi ukuba ayingombandela wethutyana nje, utshilo uGqirha Dweck.

Kwaye khumbula ukuba loo mnqweno okanye umtsalane unokubuya. Umtsalane uyasebenza kwimeko, utshilo u-Engler. Jonga iimeko zobudlelwane bakho, uxinzelelo lomsebenzi, impilo kunye nobudlelwane kwitekhnoloji, kwaye ubuze ukuba zeziphi na iimfuno ezihlengahlengisiweyo ukuze uphinde uzive usabelana ngesondo.

5 Akonwabanga ukuqala isondo Imiba yesini somyeni yesilklackImifanekiso kaGetty

Yikholwe okanye ungakholelwa, amanye amadoda ayizizo ezo zesini. Ukuba ngaba ngumqalisi wasetyhini, uhlala eyenzakala ngenxa yokuba ucinga, kulungile, kufanele ukuba kukho into engalunganga kum ukuba akaqalisi, utshilo uPizzulli. Kodwa loo nto ayinakuba yinxalenye yenkqubo yakhe engamanyala.

Ukuba umyeni wakho ebonakala ukuba uphulukene nomdla ekuqaliseni isondo, kunokuba kunjalo ukuba akakhululekanga ngokwenza njalo. Ayingoye, utsho uPizzulli.

Oku kunokuba yinyani nokuba wayeqala rhoqo xa nithandana okanye kwasekuqaleni emtshatweni. Benza kuphela ekuqaleni kobudlelwane kuba yinto eqhelekileyo ekuhlaleni ukuba amadoda aqalise zonke izinto zesondo, wongeza uPizzulli.

ulahlekelwa njani ngamanqatha esisu ngokukhawuleza

Menze abe kwimeko: Ukuba kunjalo, uxanduva apha luwela wena ukuthatha uxanduva. Ndicinga ukuba endaweni yokucinga ukuba indoda kufuneka ijongane nenkanuko yesini kwaye indoda ibenoxanduva lokwazisa ngesondo, ndicinga ukuba uyayilawula, utshilo uPizzulli. Kukuwe ukuba wenze ixesha kwaye uthi sinomhla omncinci ngeCawa ebusuku. Kukuwe ukuba wenze indawo evuselela inkanuko, ukufumana iphonografi okanye uncwadi oluthandayo.

Nangona kungenakulunga, ukuba ufuna ukuba nobomi besini obuzalisekisayo kwaye iqabane lakho alinguye umqalisi, oku kunokuba yinxalenye ekufuneka uyigcwalisile.

6 Unesondo esisezantsi Indoda ine-low drive yesini kunyeImifanekiso kaGetty

Yinto eqhelekileyo ngokupheleleyo eyindoda ukuqhuba ngesondo ukunciphisa ngokuhamba kwexesha. Uninzi lwabathengi bam abangamadoda baxela ukuqhuba ngokwesini esezantsi ngokubanzi, utshilo u-Engler. Oku kunokuba sisiphumo sokutshintshela kwitekhnoloji apho isini singasafuni mpatho yomntu, okanye ngenxa yamanqanaba e testosterone ancipha kwimiba yokusingqongileyo, utshilo u-Engler.

Aba bantu bahlala bengenamdla kwezokwabelana ngesondo kodwa banokuxabisa inkanuko okanye banike ulonwabo kumaqabane abo, utshilo uEngler.

Menze abe kwimeko: Isitshixo apha kukufumana iindlela ezintsha zokwenza amava ezesondo kunye neqabane lakho. Mbandakanye kwincoko malunga nokuba zeziphi iimeko ezifanelekileyo zokuziphatha ngokwesondo, utshilo u-Engler. Ngaba ufuna ukuphumla? Ukuba ewe, ukudala imeko-bume engqongileyo kwaye mhlawumbi nokuthanjiswa yeyona nto ilungileyo. Okanye umdlalo-inkanuko? Ukuba kunjalo, ingaba iza kujongeka njani?

Ekupheleni kosuku, phantse zonke izizathu zokuphulukana nomdla kwisini liqabane lakho zinokuqwalaselwa kwaye zilungiswe. Kodwa into ebalulekileyo kukuba ngokwenene yenza ukwenza idilesi.

Abantu baphelela eofisini yam ngenxa yezinto ezimbini: ukuphepha kunye nokukhanyela, utshilo uPizzulli. Kungenxa yoko le nto bephela kunyango lwezibini, kuba awujongani nomcimbi. Uyayiphepha kwaye uyibekele elinye ixesha kwaye awusebenzisi ngayo, kwaye emva koko iba nde kakhulu, inkulu kakhulu. Ke nditsho nje ukuba kukho naluphi na uhlobo lomcimbi apho naliphi na iqabane livakalelwa kukungabikho kolwabelana ngesondo, kufuneka liqwalaselwe.