Buza kwiTherapist: 'Ndingabenza Njani Abahlobo Njengabantu Abadala?'

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Wamkelekile kwi Buza iTherapist , Ikholamu entsha yenyanga apho umntu onelayisensi-hayi uGqirha Google, hayi umntu osebenza naye ogwebayo, hayi umntu ohlala naye ekholejini othanda ukudubula esinqeni-unika iimpendulo ezinyanisekileyo kwimibuzo emikhulu ekugcina ebusuku. Baza kukuxelela xa usebudlelwaneni obunetyhefu, indlela osuka ngayo kwimemori eyothusayo, ubuchule bokulawula ngcono iimali zakho kwaye ungakhathazeki kangako phakathi kwentsuku zokuhlawula-kwaye baya kukunika nokuba ungakhangeli wena Unokusilela ukujongana. Apha, sinayo S uherry Amatenstein, ugqirha osekwe kwi-NYC, umbhali, kunye nomhleli we-anthology Inokuziva Njani loo nto: Ukuvuma okuyinyani okuvela kuwo omabini amacala eCouch Therapy . Namhlanje uphendula imibuzo malunga nokukholisa abanye, ukubeka phambili ngokwakho, nokwenza abahlobo njengoko uneminyaka yobudala.

Luhlaza, ilogo, uphawu, Ifonti, uphawu, uphawu, imizobo, ileyibheli,

Buza iTherapist yikholamu apho iingcali zikunika iimpendulo ezinyanisekileyo kwimibuzo yakho enkulu.



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Jonga iThintelo.com inyanga nenyanga ngaphezulu.

Zeziphi ezinye iindlela zokwenza abahlobo njengomntu omdala okhulileyo?

UKUYA ukufunda ukubandakanya abathathi-nxaxheba abali-177,000 bafumanisa ukuba emva kweminyaka engama-25 kuba nzima ukwenza abahlobo. Ukusuka kwibhokisi yesanti ukuya kwikhampasi yasekholejini sihlala sijikeleze ii-cohorts, zisenza ukuba kube lula ukudibana nabantu. Nje ukuba sikhule kwinqanaba lobomi bethu — sisebenze, sibambisane, sikhulise abantwana- kuthatha ixesha elininzi kunye namandla kunokuba besinakho ukuba nobuhlobo. Kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo unezicwili ezibomvu kulwalamano lwangaphambili olwaphela kakubi, zikushiya utyhafile malunga nokuthatha umngcipheko ngokweemvakalelo. Cinga ngoku ukufunda Nazi ezinye iindlela zokuzama ukudibana nabantu:

Yandisa ingcaciso yakho ngomhlobo. Kungenxa yokuba umntu uneminyaka emdala okanye emncinci, okanye isondo esahlukileyo akuthethi ukuba bobabini abanako ukuhambelana ngokomoya!

Yenza umgudu. Isilingo siya kuhlala ekhaya ngokuchaseneyo ukuya kwintlanganiso yeklabhu yencwadi, okanye ungaze ubuze umntu owabelana naye ehleka kunye neklasi yakho yeveki yeyoga, Ngaba ungathanda ukuthatha ikofu okanye ijusi?



Landela ukuthanda kwakho. Joyina iqela le-tennis, ivolontiya kwezopolitiko, thatha iklasi yokupheka-inqaku kukubonisa rhoqo kwinto ekuonwabisa. Kuyakubakho ichibi labathathi-nxaxheba osele unento efanayo.

Sebenzisa uqhagamshelo kwi-Intanethi. Andithethi ukuchitha iiyure kunye neeyure ngasemva kwekhibhodi. Khangela amaqela asekuhlaleni-okanye uqale enye-apho ungadibana khona nabantu be-IRL (ebomini bokwenene). Umzekelo, ndithumele kwiQela likaFacebook lababhali ababhinqileyo ukuba ndifuna ukudibana nabasetyhini ukuba bathethe ngeencwadi kwaye mhlawumbi ndibhale kunye. Iziphumo: ubuhlobo obuninzi ngoku. Ndaye ndaqhagamshelwa kwimithombo yeendaba zentlalo ngumntu ovela kwisikolo sebanga elihlala nje iikhilomitha ezimbalwa!

Ndinabantwana abakhulileyo kunye nabazukulwana, kodwa bendicinga nzulu ngokufudukela kwelinye ilizwe. Ngaba loo nto indenza ndizicingele?

Impendulo emfutshane: Ikwenza ube ngumntu. Ukugqibile ukuzala kwakho nokukhulisa abantwana kwiminyaka eyadlulayo. Unelungelo lokwenza into eza kukuzisela ukoneliseka.



Impendulo ende: Njengoko ndibaxelela abaguli abanqwenela ukuba ndifunde iingqondo zabo ukuze ndibasindise kumngcipheko wokuchaza ngokucacileyo iingcinga zabo, iimvakalelo zabo, kunye neenjongo zabo, ndingugqirha wezengqondo, hayi ogqirha. Kuba andizazi iinkcukacha eziqhuba umnqweno wakho wokufuduka, ndiza kulungisa iimeko ezininzi ezinokubakho:

Abantu obathandayo bakuqhuba usaphambuka ngokungafuneki, kwaye ukufumanisa kunzima, rhoqo kungenakwenzeka, ukuthi hayi. Kwintsapho eguqukayo umntu ngamnye unendima ethile, kwaye ukuba uthathwa njengomntu ogcina umntwana, umpheki, umgcini webhanki, njl. Yintoni ekuyo kubo ukuba ngequbuliso unezinye izicwangciso ngeempelaveki xa befuna iinkonzo zakho ze-u-uh? Kodwa ukuba endaweni yokuzivumela ukuba uphathwe ngokungathandabuzekiyo, qhubeka uthi ngokuzolileyo, ndiyanithanda nonke, kodwa uMakhulu ufuna ukudlala ibhulorho emva kwemini ngeCawa. Siza kuthetha xa upholile, kwaye uxhome okanye ucime amandla, ekugqibeleni baya kuyamkela into entsha.

Uhlala uxinezelekile, uxhalabile, kunye / okanye ungoneliseki ngokunzulu. Ukufudukela e-Italiya, e-Australia, okanye nakweyiphi na indawo ekutsalayo, kulungile, kodwa hayi ukuba umnqweno wokukhuphela iakhawunti yakho rhoqo uxhomekeke kwinkolelo yokuba ukufuduka kuya kukhokelela kulungiso lwengqondo. (Kufana nesibini esingaxhamliyo malunga nomtshato njengokudumisa uMariya ukunyanga ukungangqinelani.) Ngelixa ukhutshiwe kumqeqeshi nibbling pretzels, yazi ukuba imiba yakho ikwindiza enye, uhamba kwiklasi yokuqala. Ungatyali imali kwiisutikheyisi kunye newardrobe entsha, kodwa yiprosesa elungileyo yokukunceda ufumane indlela yokwenza ukuzaliseka ngakumbi kuyo nayiphi na ikhowudi ye-zip.

Unomdla wokufumana indlela eyahlukileyo yokuphila. Uyonwabile kwaye uyayithanda nosapho lwakho, kodwa uhlala unqwenela amava okuhlala phesheya. Nangona kunjalo, ixesha alizange livakale lilungile. Uyaqonda ukuba iwotshi iyadinisa ngokungenasiphelo, kwaye awufuni kujika ngenye imini xa impilo yakho isilele kwaye unozisola ngokungalifezekisi iphupha lobomi bakho. Ziphose kuyo.

Ndisoloko ndizamazamana nokuba ngumntu okholisayo. Ndingayeka njani ukuzikhathaza ngokuba abanye bacinga ntoni ngam ngalo lonke ixesha?

Kulungile ukuba udibanise abantu bakho abasebenza kakhulu kwaye bayayonwabela imfuza kukoyika ukuba xa uyeka ukusebenza ixesha elongezelelekileyo ukwenza abanye bonwabile, banokukuwisa. Isigulana endiza kusibiza ngokuba nguMary sivunyelwe, Ukuba ndiyeka ukubenzela abahlobo bam, ngaba baya kuhlala bengabahlobo bam?

Ukwenza okuhle kwabanye ayisiyomphumo wayo; ibangela ukuba amaziko olonwabo engqondo yakho akhanye, into ebizwa ngokuba nguMncedisi oPhakamileyo. Kodwa ukuba abantu bakho bayathandeka bahlala bezincama iimfuno zakho kunye neminqweno yakho (ebonakala ngathi yeyakho iMO), ke thobela ezi ngcebiso:

Vumela la magama ukuba adlulise imilebe yakho: Uxolo, andikwazi. Ndiziva ndixakekile, akunjalo? Ziqhelanise nokuthetha eli binzana ungaqhelekanga ngelixa ujonge esipilini . Bukela intetho yakho itshintshe ibeyeyeyokuzithemba njengoko, ngokuphindaphinda ilizwi lakho lisuka kwisebe elingcangcazelayo liye kwiitoni zamandla. Xa sele ukulungele ukuyithatha endleleni, qala ngokuthi hayi kwizicelo ezincinci ezingazukushiya unetyala ngenxa yokwala: Ndonwabile ukuhlala nawe ngelixa unedessert kodwa uxolo, andikho unayo nayiphi na.

Qalisa ukuthi Ewe kuwe. Esona sizathu siphambili sokuba uninzi lwamaxhalanga oluthandayo ukhe ucofe isantya kukuba uhlala kumaxesha umntu akuxelela ukuba umhle kwaye ubaluleke kangakanani ekwenzeni olu lubabalo lukhulu kangaka! Kodwa ephezulu ayizukuhlala ngoba ilungiso lwangaphandle. Uthando lokwenene kukusebenza ngaphakathi. Buyela esipilini kwaye uqalise ukukhupha iimpawu zakho ezintle: Ndingumntu onobubele. Ndihleke kakhulu. Ndibhaka eyona chocolate imangalisayo. Ndiwulungele umsebenzi wam. Abantwana bam baziva bekhuselekile kwaye bethandwa.

Beka imida. Njengakwi: Awusayi kuphinda uye eziphelweni zomhlaba kumntu ongamaziyo, mhlawumbi iibhloko ezimbini ezisendleleni. Ungathanda ukunceda umntu osebenza naye kodwa uxolo, awungekhe njengoko umhla wakho wokugqibela ungaphezulu kwe-ASAP.

Sala kakuhle, ixhalanga. Uyagunyaziswa ukuba uzisuse kubantu abanetyhefu, abo bavela xa kukho into kubo kodwa kungenjalo yi-MIA.

I-FYI: Uninzi lwabantu luxakeke kakhulu kukucinga ukuba abanye bacinga ntoni ngabo ukuba babanike izindlu nomhlaba ngengqondo kunye 'neempazamo zakho.'

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